The Typer ♥

The Owner.

Hey aliens! I am Adira Faisal. Eighteen. Malaysia. I give and get plenty of hugs! I speaks out everything in my mind. I have an attention span of a spongebob. I don't listen to people. My feelings are not always mutual. I love everything that involves with hitting.

I AM A LITTLE MONSTER.

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Please read this.

Hey peeps. You're currently in Adira Faisal's blog. I write good and bad things happen to my life here.I hate living in this society of mine. There are too much of judging & people oftenly labels some people without knowing them. It makes people scared to speaks out their mind or gives their own opinions. So I don't accept any bad thoughts here. But thanks for viewing! :D

I Know Its Hard, It Could Be So Hard.

Hello back myself! Fuh fuh, I haven't come here quite often like I used to and I have stop writing ever since I started college few years back. Alotttttt of things to story about so I just feel like writing back since today is 31 January 2018, and it is Thaipusam, so means today is public holiday but I am stuck in my working place because I have nothing to do at home and I just want to use their holy cow fast speed internet. HEHEHE!

Okay enough about that. It is January now, it feels like its been ages since New Year 2018 but still in January now. Alot of things has change except of my love life - cause I am still with the same person and never thought to change lol. So I am 23 years old this year and I just graduated in December 2017 and now, what I'm doing? Currently working my first job.

So I don't think I am so rajin to update everything that happened since my last post. And since no one is reading this except for my future self, I will just talk about some cool events happened that makes me so damn happy whenever I think of it. Who is that rounded-face baby in the picture?

Okay, his name is Afiff Armia bin Mohd Afiffey. We call him Armia. Yes yes, he is my first nephew and my parents's first cucu. He was born in June 8th 2017. Yep, not even 1 year old yet. This little sunshine here is making me happy at anytime, I meant whenever I feel bad about anything I will just get myself in a family group on Whatsapp and found myself smiling and happy by just scrolling to his videos and pictures.

He is adoreeeeee-able right? I know. He is so precious, I wanna cry.

Okay, other than the existence of this happy boy up there. I also just officially graduated in Diploma Technology Media & Arts in December last year. The whole fam were there and Amir was there to next to me the whole time. Her name also was mention after mine and yes, he went up the stage to take his scroll after I took mine. Yep yep, inseparatable. Lol. So here are some pictures during my convocation day- 16 December 2017.

That's it!!!!! Well, I know I look cute with tudung on. HEHEHEH! Alright, enough here. I will find a time to update again in future. Phew. I miss writing blog so much. When I was in high school, I always update something whenever I came back from school. There was always a story to tell.

See you when I see you!

Love,

Adira <3 font="">

I Came Back

Hello.

I am so excited to be able to write again after so long. It's October 15th now and I am 22 years old this year. Life has changed alot but I won't be able to update much about it. I was just done with college in December last year and now I am currently working while waiting for my graduation day. WOHOO!

Anyways, I read back my previous post about one guy that I left cause I think he's not the one. I was laughing so hard. Cse guess what? I am still with him, yes. Till now. Life is sick. And not to forget, confusing also. But somehow I love it. Enough bout my cliche love life.

Currently I am working as marketing associate in one company near with the place I am staying. I hate working here. I hate the management. I hate the fact that I have to wake up every morning to go to work there. Mental torture, seriously.

Oh. And still, now I am away from home. It feels pretty bad but my family came once in a while sometimes to see me and we spent our weekend together which is not so bad, so I am okay. Not to mentioned, just for something that I will look back years from now, I won't Best Short Film Award when I was doing my final project for Diploma Show and I am really proud of myself. Like so proud. HEHEHE!

Life is okay. Everything is fun i guess, except for the fact that I am gaining weight and is struggling to lose the hips fat around me is so hard UGH. I guess that is for now. I will update later when I have time. Hopefully not years from now. Need to keep my life updated HAHAHAHA, OK BYE.

My Hatred Grows

Its 4:43 AM now & I woke up just to keep myself hydrated. So I convinced myself that from now, he's nothing. Basically, my days going without him weren't that bad. So I packed all the stuff he gave me last night. All his shirts hoodies and every little things he gave me including my birthday present. Eventhough I have so little cash now, I dont mind to spend them to post him these things cse I don't feel like keeping it any longer.

I went through all the things in my phone to erase every little things that I kept about him. The pictures, videos notes & everything. Cse it doesnt means anything to me anymore. So I found alot of things he told me not to do, but at the end, he is the who who did it.

So irony, it is. He told me "dont give up even when u think it is so hard for you to accept me". Now, he is the one who told me that he can't stand me. But, I am okay. I understand that I am made not for everyone to accept. I fully understand how hard it is to deal with me & I am fully understand why if one day you will say the things you say.

I hope years from now you will look back to the all the things that you ever said for me that night. Maybe it only hurts me that time but it will hurts you, your whole existence. Maybe if you tell people about us, they will disagree. I am overly-attached? Only to you. And I am not sure if you still remember you always want to follow me going everywhere with my friends eventhough you're the only guy. Try to get into the crowd with my classmates when we went for paranormal thingy. I don't know if you remember you being overly attached to me.

You said i control you? I hope one day you will remember how you would text Ozil which is my senior to not letting me to sit next to any guy in a car when we went to paranormal thingy without you. It was embarassing, but it happened. I hope you realised how you followed me everywhere I go with my friends and told me not to do this and that. You never remember the moments where you control me, but its okay.

I'm so glad that I will never have to see you over again. And I believes this heartaches will go away together with you soon. I think if one day you come up to me and say that you're sorry, I don't even know if I could ever forgive you.

It's Not Meant To Be Us

I think I let him go tonight. Knowing how hurts I hurted him while I was hurting. He let me go too. Just now was the most intense conversation I guess, but I'm happy. I am happy that he finally speak up what he feels. I would love to hear that since day one I am with him. Even that he will say that he hates me. I want to know. I always want to know what he feels and wants him to express him feelings. Cause thats what I silently taught him to do.

I let him go tonight. Because I know he can't stand being with me. I always say to myself that one who deserve me is one who can accept me inside out. So I let him go. Sad, but I love it. I love it that he finally can stand bout what he thinks is right eventhough it can hurt people. Eventhough he can hurt me. Cause thats what I silently taught him to do.

So I let him go tonight. Because he told me that I am too overly-attached. I thought it would be good (HEHEHE), he think its too much and it leads to argument. I strongly disagreed but then he still with what he thinks. By that, I am glad. I am glad that he finally knows how to stick with what he thinks. Eventhough he had to make me cry for that. Cause thats what I silently taught him to do.

Baby, its such a sweet moments everytime I am with you. You will never know cause you never see me smiling everytime you look away. Eventhough its such a short period of time, I am glad. For everytime you think I actually being mean to you, you could learn something from it. You never know what I am trying to make you without changing who you are. Put you down for you to get up.

Thank you for giving me chance to do all those things that I did for you and with you. But after what you said, I think its enough. I think my presence to give you some values doesn't means anything anymore. And I am glad. I'm glad to know that you gave up. You might not say it, but I get it. This probably would be the last thing that I write about you. I hope it gives you feel if you read this in future.

So, I let you go tonight. For you to accept any other person your whole heart even she will gives you pain. Cause pain, that what makes you.

Finally. I let you go.

Baby, Can You Feel The Feeling Of Broken

Cause these days I've been feeling abit unsure about us.

Scary. I do. These feelings I have in me is weird. I can't keep my mind shut at night. But not by thinking bout us anymore. It used to, it does. I was thinking if this will be worth. I was thinking if us will matter in future. You're everything to me right now. I meant I couldn't imagine how can I love someone better than I love you. It tears me inside knowing that we are not like how we used to be anymore.

I hope you could listen to me. I hope you want to. Even it is about something that you don't really like to hear but I hope you could hear all my rants and tell me that it wasn't true. But instead, all you did is telling me that I was overthinking and you don't want to listen to anything that I am going to say about that.

Do you remember that night when we were walking. We were just holding hands, but it feels like we own the whole world. That feels so surreal, like the feeling of scared of letting go cause I think my arms love to be wrapped around yours that time. I love those simple things we had before and how we celebrated little things like you would gave me 3 anklets on that same night just to make me feel appreciated. I love how you showed me your effort to win my heart everyday.

Effort. That is one of the reasons what made me choose you. But now, I'm not sure if you're still bother to do that. For the first time after a year and 8 months being with you, I feel like I'm not sure of this. I think when people said that "people will only try hard to get you, they will stop when you belong to them", it makes sense now. Maybe you're too comfortable with the idea of me belong to you.

Maybe you will only realised when I'm gone.

Happy Birthday, Duckie!

Hi, Amir Asyraf.

It's your 21th birthday today. I don't want to blow it out of proportion so I will make it simple. As much as I am very excited for today, I hope you are too. As you know, this is your second birthday since my existence in your life and I still want to be excited for this day for years. I know I am such an ass sometimes when I said that I am full of regret of meeting you, but I am actually so glad for your existence. For this special entry, I am gonna start with the things that I cherish the most when I am with you.

One of it is the warmth of your skin when we are holding hands and how I love the feelings of your cold lips pressing my forehead or on my hand. Walking here and there wrapping my hand around yours- I absolutely love it! For some reasons, you are not always there when I need you but I still appreciate how you would do anything so then we can see each other. I know being with me is not easy, and I am glad that you stay.

Every night I want you to go to bed with the thought that you have been the best partner I could possibly get. You’ve been like the solid rock of my life.

Anyways sayang, as much as you don't like to admit, up above is the first picture of you that you gave me. You might hate (or dislike) to see it and realised that you've change alot outside and inside, i still love it. I love the old you, I love you now and even I will love you more in future.

Thank you for catching me when I fall, standing strong when I’m crumbling, cracking a joke to make me smile, holding my hand, looking at me with adoration, putting up with my flaws, and being my partner. Thank you for being you.

Happy birthday, my love.

xoxo.

We're all in tears for a world that's broken.

My heart feels like broken into pieces but ive no idea why. Ive no idea how. Am I upset? Am I dissapointed? Maybe. I feel so numb, I don't want to move, I don't want to talk, I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay here and break doen for all I care.

It was very quiet but my thoughts were very loud. I was thinking if I'm important to some people. I was thinking if they cares about me like I do for them. I was thinking if they could sacrifice anything for me if I do the same for them. I was thinking if I really worth to someone.

People scares me. They scares me alot. They probably say that they love me and not mean it. And I'm starting to create a ridiculous things about it that maybe could make things worse. Why did I do that? Cse I'm scared. Cse I think if anything, I don't get shocked to know cse I already expect those things would happen.

I cries my eyeballs out in the middle of night thinking if I really matter to some people. I cries thinking if they really do why do they did things that they know could makes me upset.

I wish people could be more realistic. I wish they will tell me if they hate me. I wish thet could stares me in my eyes and tell me that they don't need me anymore & I would understand cse feelings change. It changes like season. I wish they could be real with me. I wish they don't playing around with my feelings.